The 6 Types Of People Who Attract Narcissists
If you are always attracting
narcissists, this means you have a pretty big heart and you are a
heart-based person
which is someone the narcissist is always
looking for. Whether overt and grandiose or in the covert stage, a
narcissist seeks attention, compliments and love over all else, and you
may be the
perfect person for them to unload their sob stories on. Even more, they
will really hit the supply jackpot if you are caring enough to actually
believe them.
Most often when a narc is hunting for new supply they are just coming
off a bad breakup, at least according to them. They have so many tales
of woe, which they will tell you so soulfully, so sorrowfully, like a
sad little puppy who would never hurt anyone and who you easily feel
sorry for. Because of this typical
setup scenario, the following list of sensitive types are those who
they
attract and aggressively pursue. Please remember, the narc is not in
love with you
but they are in love with what you can give them. Their own heart
never comes into it,
their
own heart is barren, and that is exactly why
they need yours.
1. They Love An Empath
Sorry Empaths but you are the number one kind of person the narcissist
looks for as you are so open to others,
sometimes even if you know
they are a narcissist. But you LOVE to support other people and have so
much
to give. You feel your best when you are giving support, giving
encouragement and giving love. You may even give away money if the
narcissist is down on their luck but it is almost like the narcissist
is made
for you (at first). You will feel happy about how much they accept your
support,
how they brighten up at your love and encouragement. This is how it
begins. What you need to know is to run when they start to invalidate
you
or criticize you. Despite how much love and amazing comments they throw
at you in the beginning, you need to be aware that when it stops and
they start to invalidate you, it
really has stopped for good.
You are no push over, Empath, and you normally wouldn't put up with the
typical
unfair behaviour of the narcissist, so don't go soft
now on them. They are utterly toxic and are preparing you for a
full frontal assault of lies, discarding and even a sneaky smear. Don't
be fooled by their tactics. This sorry
person is not harmless and you need to set the boundaries. Don't form a
romance with them, stay friends if you must, and don't get sucked in.
It is a shame that empaths often fail
to see what is really going on, and they may let the narcissist
manipulate them through the endless confusion that simply grows and
grows. You
need to let go of this person and find someone who actually does love
you.
2. Givers, Rescuers & Fixers
We live in a world where people are so busy, they have
their own problems to deal with and may not therefore have time for the
narcissist. But every now and then we come across that kind of person
who looks for those victimized souls and
wants to rescue them. Oh
boy! The narcissist loves these people because they are too open,
unsuspecting and often innocent
.
They play their rescuing game with the narcissist whilst the narc finds
their way into the life of the unsuspecting Rescuer. After all, the
rescuer is looking for a new project or person in dire need of their
care, maybe to make their ego feel good
or to genuinely help. Then along comes the narc. The rescuer will
spring into action, especially when they start to take in all the
(fake)
sad stories and reasons why the narcissist needs their help. They will
think
they are in heaven, dreaming of all the ways they can fix and rescue
them. So much potential!
The problem with the giving rescuer is that they seem to assume that
all people are good and so might not try to be careful around this
highly deceptive and manipulative narcissist. After all, the narcissist
seems so nice, so innocent! They won't even think twice about how such
a lovely
person could possibly have been victimized as they describe but
don't take the sad
stories on face value. Again, Rescuers will offer all kind of things to
the
narcissist like time, energy and/or money that they will never get
back.
Everything you give will go into a big black hole and all you will get
back is insults, gaslighting or worse. Be careful rescuer, you have met
your match. This narc does not want to be rescued; they want your
resources and to keep playing their favourite game with you. Don't let
yourself get all used up by this exhausting creature.
3. People Who Lack Self-Esteem
Narcissists love girls with low self-esteem; I see this a lot. And you
better be aware that they know you don't think much of yourself and
they are gifting you a lot, so you better be ready for the abuse when
it starts.
Perhaps you were
brought up with belief systems saying you're unequal or less worthy
than other people, or you previously dated a cad (or narc) and your
confidence has taken a fall. You
may feel like worthless baggage, especially when it comes to romance.
When the narcissist comes along, suddenly someone charming or great
looking is giving you
romantic interest and you can barely belief it! This new person thinks
you're worth something. They listen to you so carefully and try to
almost get inside you to understand what makes you tick. How do you
feel? This is so
later, they can manipulate you. Be careful!
I've seen this many
times. The narcissist woes the person who thinks they are unworthy and
who in response, are so grateful to have love or at least what they
think is love. (It isn't.) This low-esteem personality will
bend over backwards
for the narc. Often they don't have a lot of romantic experience so
they won't even know the difference when the narcissist starts to treat
them
badly. Instead they will accommodate all the narcissist asks for, meet
all their
demands, and turn themself into exactly what the narcissist wants like
they were
made for each
other. Maybe they were but the narc will treat this person so badly, by
increments, until they become trauma bonded to the narcissist. i.e. the
narcissist hurts them but then gives them fake love then hurts them
again in a never ending cycle. This trauma bonding is their trick to
get low-esteem people to stay with them. Once bonded, they have a lot
of trouble leaving, especially when the narcissist says things like,
"Who else would love you?" And the victim believes no one else could
because they never did before.
Sadly, this is the kind of person who will marry and stay with that
narcissist for twenty years, and probably have a family with them.
Perhaps
the saddest of the bunch. But, I am glad to say, eventually, even after
20 or 30 years, they will get a spine and one day have the courage to
leave. Not all narcs find this desperate a person who will
appreciate them and, even when the bad behaviour starts, will
still stay.
Most people jump out of
the pot of boiling water when it slowly begins to boil; they are long
gone by then. But because their self esteem is so low, they stay. The
rest of us don't understand this, considering how often they are
attacked ruthlessly. But then again we don't see that do we? It all
happens behind closed door whilst the narcissist
is clever enough to make themself appear great.
On a recent dating show there was a "slow" kind of girl who
lacked experience and confidence, who was introduced to a young, buff,
sports
player who was being paid to play sport. This was
painful to watch. The girl was actually simpering and almost unable to
speak to "him" because he was so fine. She was on the phone to her
friend about what a catch he was. She'd made up her mind instantly and
kept telling him, a stranger, how sincere and honest he was. I swear he
even gaslighted her (as a joke) but remember, he is showing his true
colours. By the end of this date where she constantly
giggled and said how wonderful he was, and he talked about how
much money he makes, they were interviewed on camera. Boldly he
pointed to his cheek demanding she kiss him, a stranger. Of course he
turned his
face so it turned into a lip kiss and they started pashing/kissing just
like
that. She had no self esteem.
This is a prime example of how a bad relationship starts. What if he
was
a narcissist? This is exactly how a girl like this falls for any
random, "buff" guy before she even knows him like he stepped right out
of a fairytale. Please be careful.
4. Forgivers - People Who Routinely Forgive Others
There's a segment of society that's brought up with values espousing
compassion and forgiveness to others, and often it is a
religious
segment. These people are loving types yet they may not suspect that
narcissists are amongth God's creatures. It may be lesson time for
them. What forgivers are famous for is offering forgiveness to others
when a wrong is done, in other words to look the other way. It doesn't
mean putting up with bad behaviour but simply looking to do a kind act
with forgiveness. They know the world needs this. Often others are so
grateful to be forgiven if they erred because it is such a healing act.
However, when a forgiver comes across a narcissist for the first time,
no amount of
forgiving is ever going to make them right. Unfortunately,
to forgive a
narcissist is to let them off the hook so they can boldly go and repeat
the crimes, which they promptly do even that same day. They like
forgivers for this reason and always take
advantage of any forgiveness that comes their way.
Let's describe what the narcissist does. They may be
hoovering a Forgiver or apologising profusely after some terrible
behaviour that
no one deserves.
And the forgiver, being compassionate as they are, forgives them before
explaining to the narcissist exactly why it was wrong. They wish to
impart a lesson and help the narcissist grow. (Right!) Yet
a narcissist will never grow because they are unable to
reflect upon their actions. They simply go through life never looking
back, changing nor growing.
The
narcissist outwardly agrees with the forgiver with all kinds of pretty
lies, and leaves them thinking
about how very sorry
they were and that they, the narc, won't do it again. Wrong. Next day
the same crime
exactly is committed and it leaves the forgiver wondering, "What the
heck?" The
narcissist is acting
to confuse the
forgiver and tie them up in so
many
lies that they won't know
who they are. Then, the forgiver typically thinks they need more
kindness and forgiveness, and forgives again! They open their
big, compassionate heart whilst patiently contemplating how messed up
the poor narcissist is. But it means the narc is again absolved
completely from all crimes and are forgiven. They can do no wrong,
except for all the wrong they are doing.
The narcissist is so happy to have found the kind-hearted Forgiver
because
they are getting
away with
everything.
A normal person would have left by now but the
forgiver thinks they're saving them. To their mind, isn't the
narcissist
worthy of love? Actually, not like that. But this is the lesson for the
forgiver to realise
all this narcissist forgiveness is a waste of time. It would
be better if to
forgive secretly before going No Contact. Stop forgiving
and go completely No Contact - which is the only way we can ever really
deal with a narcissist.
5. Those Who Grew Up With Narcissistic Parents
Unfortunately, if you grew up with narcissistic parents, this makes you
prone to finding this type of bad behaviour normal because you are
almost habitualised to it. After all, how could you know otherwise when
narcissists raised you? So
you are now magnetic to narcissists hunting for new
supply whilst also being more likely to think this is normal when you
find it. You
are set up to be put through the ringer unless you've developed some
high standards and already become no contract with your
narcissistic parents and/or siblings. Once you give up your parents for
being
narcissists you will never put up with it from anyone else, even the
one you mistakenly fell in love with.
You may have grown up with the belief that what you want and need don't
matter because none of it mattered to your parents.
Only what they
wanted mattered. And you may already be well used to sacrificing
these
things to make them happy, to keep away the arguments. You may well
bend over backwards with your people-pleasing behaviour and may not
even realise it. All you've known since you were a child is putting
what others want first so you keep saying yes. You're a "Yes" person
and basically don't really exist
because you were raised to be invisible. Of course you can't actually
please a narcissist, but you
learn to keep your parents quiet and get
them off your back. Basically you've been trained to keep trying to get
someone
else's approval, though when it's a narcissist you can never get
approval. They just make you try harder and harder, and enough is never
enough.
You may be a little or a lot behind the ball, but you can wake up to
what
they're doing and turn your back. Maybe you tried everything
to keep your "perfect" family together, but in the end you finally
realise they just didn't love you. So why would you reverse all that
good and start dating a narcissist. You won't stand for it hopefully,
and you will get off that ride.
6. Positive People With So Much Dang Positivity
Positive people
are wonderful and we need them; they help so many by uplifting us with
their positivity. Most of us do well to have such a positive friend.
However, the one
person the
positive types should avoid at all cost is, yes, the narcissist.
Remember we talked about all their sad sob stories that are used to
convince you to
shower them with positivity, and how sorry we feel for them. Also
remember how fake those stories are. If you, the positive one, get
sucked into their crap they WILL end up exhausting you. They will keep
coming to you again and again with their "oh poor me" lines. Don't
do them any favours. Don't make early promises of friendship or get
involved in romance with the narcissist, as you know better. Be Careful
here.
The narcissist is never
positive,
and is always taking and is always negative. It will drive you
crazy and
you cannot change them.
Some people in this world can certainly be
completely changed and uplifted by your wonderful, positive attitude,
thereby receiving a new lease on life. But the narcissist will drain
you, exhaust
you, and their constant negativity will drive you nuts. You two just
don't mix. Soon, every time they say something negative you will feel
personally insulted, since you've been so busy buzzing them with
positivity. It goes in one ear and straight out the other. And you will
not understand the casual gaslighting or invalidation. You will look at
them like
they are crazy (because they are) and finally realise they won't
change. This is who they are, and it ain't pretty.
The only thing they can do to really hurt you, positive one, is to
smear you, and if
you are there long enough you WILL get smeared,
usually behind your back and for a while before you realise. They will
get to your friends and family. People, even those you don't know well,
will hear how negative you actually are behind closed doors, how you
say things about others and really you are a nightmare. People will
feel sorry for the narcissist that they should even know you. Friends
may
believe them and turn away from you. It can get nasty. And why would
they say that about you when you tried to help them? For fun, that's
why. Because they can and they want to psychologically destroy you.
Positive people are
usually quite strong and now you have realised what they are. They are
takers and will take what they want. As long as you
get out before the truly damaging smear campaign and don't
otherwise"fall" for the narcissist, you should be able to get out of it
quite
quickly. Get away and don't ever look back. You may be smeared online.
Just ignore it and make sure to never speak to them again. You've
learned your lesson. All will be okay as
soon as they find their next supply victim and stop harassing you. Once
you go no contact you can breath easier again and begin to build your
faith back up in humans. Keep being positive :)
Below are some more articles on this topic:
Do You Know A Narcissist? 11 Traits of the Narcissist
Loving The Narcissist - The 6 Stages of a Narcissistic Love Relationship
Why Narcissists Can Never Let You Go
The 6 Types Of People Who Attract Narcissists
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: 9 Symptoms
Narcissistic Love-Bombing & Addiction
Is Compassion For The Narcissist Possible?
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